S – Self Care That Isn’t a Bubble Bath: Real Strategies That Work
The Problem With “Self-Care” as a Buzzword
The phrase self-care gets used so often that it has almost lost its meaning. It is commonly framed as indulgence or escape, something you do when life feels overwhelming. Images of bubble baths, spa days, and weekend getaways dominate social media and marketing, especially during conversations about burnout.
While those things can feel good, they are not enough to support long term mental health. When self-care is reduced to quick relief, it can actually become another source of pressure. People start to feel like they are failing if they cannot relax properly or recharge fast enough.
In reality, self-care is the ongoing practice of taking responsibility for your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. It is not about avoiding stress; it is about building the capacity to handle stress without breaking down. True self-care supports consistency, stability, and resilience over time.
Therapy often reframes self-care as maintenance rather than escape. It becomes the way you protect your energy, regulate your nervous system, and stay connected to what matters most in your life. Instead of asking how to get away from your stress, therapy helps you ask how to live in a way that reduces chronic strain.
This shift matters, especially for men who are often taught to push through discomfort and ignore early signs of burnout. Sustainable self-care is not a luxury. It is a skill set.
1. Redefining What Self Care Really Means
Self-care is any intentional action that supports your health, values, and long-term functioning. It does not always feel good in the moment. Sometimes it feels inconvenient, uncomfortable, or emotionally challenging.
For example, self-care can mean going to bed earlier instead of staying up to finish one more task. It can mean saying no to an obligation even when you feel guilty. It can mean sitting with emotions you would rather avoid, instead of distracting yourself or numbing out.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, self-care includes building routines that align with your needs and challenging unhelpful beliefs about productivity, rest, and worth. Many people carry the belief that rest must be earned or that slowing down is a sign of weakness. Therapy helps identify and restructure those beliefs so behavior change becomes possible.
Mindfulness based approaches frame self-care as presence rather than perfection. Instead of trying to control your experience, you practice noticing it. This reduces emotional reactivity and increases choice. You learn how to respond rather than react.
To ground this in daily life, consider these reflective questions:
What restores my energy instead of draining it
Which habits help me feel more capable and steadier
Where am I consistently neglecting my own needs to meet others’ expectations
When you see self-care as maintenance instead of reward, it becomes part of how you live, not something you occasionally add on.
2. Physical Self Care: The Foundation of Emotional Stability
Mental health and physical health are deeply connected. Your brain does not function separately from your body. Sleep, nutrition, and movement all play direct roles in emotional regulation, concentration, and stress tolerance.
Sleep
Sleep deprivation has a significant impact on mood, anxiety, and cognitive functioning. Research shows that even partial sleep loss increases emotional reactivity and reduces your ability to manage stress effectively. Chronic sleep disruption is strongly linked to symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Improving sleep does not require perfection. Consistency matters more than duration alone. Going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time each day helps regulate your internal clock. Reducing screen use before bed and creating a predictable wind down routine can also support better sleep quality.
A simple place to start is to aim for an extra 30 minutes of rest. Small changes often create noticeable improvements in emotional stability.
Nutrition
Nutrition influences mental health through multiple pathways, including blood sugar regulation, inflammation, and neurotransmitter production. Diets that emphasize whole foods, adequate protein, and regular meals are associated with improved mood and energy levels.
Clinical studies suggest that dietary improvements can reduce symptoms of depression, particularly when combined with other supports. This does not mean following a perfect plan. It means paying attention to how food choices affect your energy and stress response.
One practical step is to avoid long gaps without eating, especially during high stress days. Stable blood sugar supports more stable emotions.
Movement
Physical activity supports mental health by reducing stress hormones and increasing endorphins. It also improves sleep quality and cognitive clarity. You do not need intense workouts for these benefits.
Even brief movement breaks can reset your nervous system. A ten-minute walk, light stretching, or standing up between tasks can reduce tension and improve focus.
Physical self-care is not about optimization. It is about meeting basic needs so your emotional system has a stable foundation.
3. Emotional Self Care: Learning to Check In, Not Check Out
Emotional self-care involves noticing and responding to your internal experience rather than avoiding it. Many people cope by staying busy, distracting themselves, or shutting down emotionally. While these strategies may reduce discomfort short term, they often increase stress long term.
Checking in emotionally means pausing to ask what you are feeling and why. This can be uncomfortable, especially if you are not used to identifying emotions. Therapy provides structure and language to make this process safer and more manageable.
Mindfulness is one evidence-based tool that supports emotional self-care. It helps you notice thoughts and feelings without immediately reacting to them. Research shows that mindfulness practices can reduce stress, anxiety, and emotional reactivity.
A simple mindfulness exercise involves slowing your breathing and naming what you notice. For example, you might identify tension in your shoulders or worry about an upcoming conversation. Naming the experience reduces its intensity and increases clarity.
Solution Focused Brief Therapy offers another practical approach. Instead of analyzing problems in depth, it focuses on what is already working and how to build on it.
You might ask yourself:
When was the last time I felt even slightly calmer
What was different about that moment
What is one small action I could take today to feel a bit more steady
Emotional self-care is not about staying positive. It is about responding to yourself with curiosity instead of criticism.
4. Boundary Setting: The Self Care Skill Most People Avoid
Boundary setting is one of the most challenging and impactful forms of self-care. Many people avoid boundaries because they fear disappointing others or being seen as selfish. Over time, this leads to resentment, exhaustion, and emotional withdrawal.
Boundaries are not walls. They are clear communication about your limits and responsibilities. Healthy boundaries allow relationships to function without chronic strain.
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, boundaries are viewed as part of emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. Research shows that learning and using these skills reduces emotional distress and improves relationship stability.
Examples of healthy boundaries include:
I want to help, and I need rest tonight
I cannot take on additional work this week
I care about this relationship, and I need conversations to stay respectful
Setting boundaries often feels uncomfortable at first. That discomfort does not mean you are doing something wrong. It means you are practicing a new skill.
Over time, boundaries reduce burnout and increase trust, both with others and with yourself.
5. Practical Self Care Habits That Actually Work
Sustainable self-care happens in small, repeatable actions. These habits are not dramatic, but they are effective.
Schedule white space between tasks so your nervous system can reset
Limit multitasking to reduce mental overload
Plan breaks before you feel exhausted
Create a consistent wind down routine in the evening
Prioritize meaningful connection, even in small doses
Research consistently shows that social support is one of the strongest predictors of mental health. This does not mean large social circles. It means having at least one or two relationships where you feel understood.
Choose one habit to focus on rather than trying to change everything at once. Consistency matters more than intensity.
6. When Self Care Means Asking for Help
Self-care does not mean doing everything alone. In fact, recognizing when you need support is a key sign of emotional awareness.
Therapy helps you identify patterns that contribute to burnout, such as over functioning, avoidance, or perfectionism. It also provides tools to create change that lasts.
Working with a therapist offers accountability, perspective, and structure. You can learn how your habits formed, why they persist, and how to adjust them in ways that fit your life.
If you feel constantly on edge, disconnected, or exhausted, support can help. Seeking help is not a failure. It is an investment in your long-term wellbeing.
Real Self Care Creates Real Change
Self-care is not about performance or perfection. It is about awareness, balance, and intentional choices that support your mental health over time. Small changes practiced consistently build resilience and clarity.
If you are ready to develop self-care habits that actually fit your life, therapy can help. I provide men’s online therapy in Ohio, focused on practical strategies, emotional insight, and sustainable change.
When to Reach Out
If stress, burnout, or emotional numbness are starting to affect your work, relationships, or sense of self, it may be time to reach out. You do not have to wait until things fall apart. Support can help you course correct sooner and build a life that feels steadier and more aligned.
— Sam Long, LISW-S
Founder of Long Therapy Services
-Growth and Healing, Wherever You Are-
This article was developed using evidence-based research and established clinical literature. The references below informed the concepts discussed throughout this post.
References
Jacka, F. N., O'Neil, A., Opie, R., Itsiopoulos, C., Cotton, S., Mohebbi, M., Castle, D., Dash, S., Mihalopoulos, C., Chatterton, M. L., Brazionis, L., Dean, O. M., Hodge, A. M., & Berk, M. (2017). A randomized controlled trial of dietary improvement for adults with major depression (the 'SMILES' trial). BMC medicine, 15(1), 23. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12916-017-0791-y
Baglioni, C., Nanovska, S., Regen, W., Spiegelhalder, K., Feige, B., Nissen, C., Reynolds, C. F., & Riemann, D. (2016). Sleep and mental disorders: A meta-analysis of polysomnographic research. Psychological bulletin, 142(9), 969–990. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000053
Neacsiu, A. D., Rizvi, S. L., & Linehan, M. M. (2010). Dialectical behavior therapy skills use as a mediator and outcome of treatment for borderline personality disorder. Behaviour research and therapy, 48(9), 832–839. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.05.017
Grossman, P., Niemann, L., Schmidt, S., & Walach, H. (2004). Mindfulness-based stress reduction and health benefits. A meta-analysis. Journal of psychosomatic research, 57(1), 35–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0022-3999(03)00573-7
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